Clogged!

  Folks, clogs are on this Spring-Summer. Since they are by far not flattering, woe is us, how should we look for the best for us without looking like we belong in Riverdance?

   I’m always amazed when clogs resurface as a fashion trend. Noisy, uncomfortable, clunky—clogs are downright ugly if you look at them for more than a second. They’re an affront to any finely trained gait and make women walk like donkeys instead of thoroughbreds. Men both straight and gay cringe at the sight and sound of them. Clump-slide, clump-slide. My most recent argument for not wearing clogs? The kilt-clad hoofers at the Olympics’ opening ceremony in Vancouver: Plump, hairy, and pierced one and all— who could tell the girls from the boys?
 
  I do remember one clog moment that I didn’t find utterly offensive: during the ’90s, when Dansko horse clogs were the perfect complement to the longish, loose-cut CDG and Yohji Yamamoto dresses people were wearing.
 

 Unfortunately, not everyone shares my disaffection with the clog, especially people young enough never to have worn them before. The eye is always looking for something new, and sexy stilettos and dainty footwear don’t have the proper heft for spring’s shorter skirts and dresses. No surprise, then, that this season’s clogs are turning up as a youthful alternative to wear with the sporty and frilly minidresses and shorts that went down the runway. Alexander Wang paired jaunty leather mules with zippered bloomer shorts and striped polos, while Marc Jacobs for Louis Vuitton grounded his frilly campsite party dresses with horsehair-covered low-riders. The only incarnation one might consider wearing in hoity-toity circles would be Lagerfeld’s high-heeled hoofers at Chanel, but considering how skimpy his dresses were, they certainly weren’t meant for the lady who lunches. And that’s the point: Clogs aren’t meant to be taken seriously, but neither are the clothes they’re worn with.